Unfortunately, my story doesn't begin like the usual love story, but it probably ends like one…

Three years ago, I got admitted into a university. I knew it was a fresh start for me. On my 5th day of lectures, i couldn't get a seat, so I scanned through the room and saw 3 guys sitting on one seat. I walked up to them and requested that they created a space for me using the words “How much space can I take up?” I said that because I'm a skinny person, and yes, I got my seat.

While I was comfortably seated, I decided to turn my head to the side to see who I was sitting with. In that moment, my mind was blown. He wasn't extremely handsome or anything, but I don't know, I just knew I was attracted to him.

I decided to just focus on my phone instead.Then my battery started draining quickly. He noticed and asked for a device (still don't know the name 😂) but he asked for it from one of the guys sitting with us and connected it to his phone and used it to charge my phone. My heart melted instantly. It was such a nice gesture. But trust me, we didn't exchange numbers there 😂

After that, I started daydreaming about him and sometime later, we met again and did the whole exchange of numbers and after a very long while, we became really close.

We got so close that in my 2nd semester of 200 level, we did what we shouldn't have, considering we were only friends and that changed our status to “friends with benefits” 😭. I was sad about it but I accepted it as long as it meant we would still be close.

But after that, I could feel the shift of energy in the air, we conversed less and did more of what we shouldn't have. Our friendship slowly deteriorated, and I got tired of being a friend with benefits. My love for him was so much, I just wanted us to stay in contact even though I'd end that part of our story. But it seemed like our relationship was doomed to fail as the distance grew stronger, we stopped seeing eye to eye, and a little thing we wouldn't normally argue over made us more distant then ever. Then we stopped talking to each other.

In that gap, I resolved myself to accept that the relationship was over. I prepared my heart to move on and throughout the 6 months of our break, I felt emptiness, but there was also a little bit of joy that I felt. The joy that comes with choosing yourself above everything else.

If our relationship had lasted 20 years in the same undefined way, I'd probably still choose him, because with him I was happy and I still cherish all the memories we shared. But if it would only last 8 months like it did, I'd choose myself over and over, because the pain and hurt that came with it would never equal the happiness and joy that I once felt.